FavouriteGodSongs.

I love music. Though, this is something that 99.9% of all human beings state at one point or another on their blog, I felt it necessary to state it on mine as well. Again.

I love all different styles of music and it varies depending on a.) my mood, b.) the time of day, c.) the season, d.) all of the above. One of my favourite genre of music is “hymns”. I love the old school hymns simply because, they are simple [for example see ex.1A] and they are powerful [for example see ex 2A].

1A. “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I’m found. Was blind, but now I see.” [Amazing Grace, c. 1772]

2A. “Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, let this blest assurance control, that Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and hath shed His own blood for my soul.” [It is well with my Soul, c. 1873]

Those of you who have been avid readers of my blog probably know that I am a Christian, aka: I love Jesus AND I strive to be like Him everyday. If you are new to this site or a little behind/slow, then consider that your introduction/refresher.

Like many most all other believers, I’ve had my share of ups and downs on this journey and continue too as well. That being said, I can relate on a very personal level, with the writers of the above mentioned hymns. I was “lost” [and continue to take my own detours which result in my getting lost again and again and again], I was “blind” but now, because of God’s “amazing grace” I am now “found” and I can “see”. And while I know I have sinned and will continue to sin and am in a “helpless state” without Him, he has “shed His own blood for my soul”.

[Just a little FYI for you, my favourite hymn is “How Great Thou Art”.]

Today, I heard an old Irish hymn today during a very special ceremony that occurred today [which I will post about tomorrow] that I hadn’t heard in awhile. Not only is the song a pretty song, but it’s both simple and yet extremely powerful and is how I feel at the moment in my life. The lyrics are below and there is a video of the song.

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

The lyrics are pretty easy to figure out. I sort of see them as wedding vows to God. “For richer, for poorer. In sickness and in health. I promise to love you and cherish you. To never take you for granted. To love, honour and obey from this day forward. Till death do us part. Never because I will live forever with you in all your Glory. Forever and ever. Amen.”

What do these lyrics mean to you?

– gypsyjess.

P.S. If you have questions about me, my faith, my journey or just about God/Jesus/Big Guns Upstairs, shoot me an email. I’ll be glad to answer any questions you may have. Good, bad or ugly.

Advertisements

“i’minlove,i’minloveandidon’tcarewhoknowsit!”

Have you ever seen the movie “Elf”? If you have you are familiar with the above quote. You know the scene where he barges into his dad’s office and throws off his hat, dances around and says, “I’m in love! I’m in love! And I don’t care who knows it!” The scene right before he gets his butt handed to him by Miles Finch.

It’s a great movie.

But I’m not here to talk about Buddy the Elf. I’m here to talk about Jesus.

I’m not quite sure what event has caused my heart and soul to do such a huge 360 [though I have a hunch] recently but all I can say is, wow.

I have never been so awestruck, so mesmerized, so totally head-over-heals in love with God in my entire life!

My very heart feels as if it will burst with love and joy and excitement!

I mean I’ve always “loved God”. But I’ve never been IN love with Him.

It’s fantastic. It’s incredible. It’s left me without words to type. No word is amazing or powerful enough to really, truly express my intense joy.

I want to do amazing things for Him. I don’t know what it is exactly but I have a stirring in my heart and soul. Something amazing this way comes! I don’t want to just sit around and live a meaningless and lame existence. I want to do great things for His Kingdom.

I’m on the watch for it! I’m ready. My heart, soul and arms are wide open, ready to receive this surprise!

Who’s with me!?

– gypsyjess.

ioweitalltoGod.

Whilst reading PostSecret tonight, er, at midnight, I read this secret.

While I haven’t read every single PostSecret, I have read quite a lot. Some make me laugh, some make me sad, some surprise me. Some have made me realize how incredible my life is.

I mean it. I really, really mean it.

Sure I don’t have a flashy job, a nice place, loads of money, etc. But to be honest, I don’t want it. I don’t need it. Sure it’d be nice to have those things, but I don’t need them to be happy. I’m quite happy and content living my monetarily poor little life in small-town America [though I really want to travel…].

I owe this little life of mine to God. Sure I’ve had my bumps along the way but really, my life is amazing compared to others lives. Not that I’m comparing my life with theirs and saying, “man, sucks to be you!” I would never say that. Well, I mean I have said that, to friends, in a 100% jokingly sort of way. But you get the point. I hope.

Anyway, back to my original point. My life is so amazingly blessed. I have an amazing family, an awesome group of friends, a fantastic church family and so many people in my life who love and care about me. And most importantly, I have an amazing God who has always had my back, even, er especially, when I least deserved it.

I really cannot put into words how happy and amazingly blessed I feel. It’s overwhelming really. I want to give a shout-out to all my peeps who have always been there for me. I say this, with the utmost sincerity in my heart, I love you all and thank God everyday for placing you in my life and my heart. Thank you. Honestly. I’m not a “hugger” but I’m giving you all a “cyber hug” right now. A big bear one! Like this one:

I guess it can all be boiled down to this short little phrase that is inscribed on the wall at The Ribbon Box Bakery:

“God is faithful…all the time.”

Can I get an Amen?

– gypsyjess.

P.S. I rediscovered this song tonight. I forgot how much I loved Jeremy Camp. I hate to admit it but I dislike 95% of worship music. I really don’t know why. However, Jeremy Camp, I can listen to his worship album(s) all day long. This song especially. I love it. The words, the music, everything. So simple yet so profound and powerful. Enjoy a little bit o’ worship courtesy of Jeremy Camp, YouTube and Yours Truly. Oh and of course, God!

thoughts.

ایک زبان ہے جسے فون کے نہیں سمجھتی میں گفتگو کرتے ہوئے بیکار ہے. جی ہاں؟ پس تمہیں وہ شخص خدا کے لیے ایک شخص جس نے زبان میں “بول” رہے ہیں سمجھ میں نہیں آتا کی زبانوں میں بات کرنے کی صلاحیت مل جائے گا؟ وہ ایسا نہیں کرے گا. خدا بہت بڑا قادر ہے، اور بہت سے لوگوں کے لئے بہت سے تحفے دینے کے لئے دائمی قدرت رکھتا ہے، تاہم وہاں دوسری زبان میں زبانوں میں بات کر رہا اگر رسیور انگریزی بولتا ہے کے کسی کام نہیں ہے. اس کے علاوہ ، “فخر” کے بارے میں اس مقصد کو شکست دے دی سب اکٹھے ہو. ہم خدا کی عاجزی اور خاموشی کی خدمت کر رہے ہیں. بڑے فخر سے نہیں ہے اور سب کے لئے زور سے دیکھنے کے لئے. اگر تم خدا کے لئے کچھ کر رہے ہو ، تو کیا تم اس خدا کے لئے کر رہے ہیں نہ کے بارے میں فخر کر رہے ہیں، آپ خود کے لئے کیا کر رہے ہو.

– gypsyjess.

confessionalpart[one].

I have many struggles and things that are difficult for me to accept/avoid/whatever in my life. There is something, however, that I struggle with a lot. It’s my second biggest struggle as a Christian.

Forgiveness.

Not necessarily forgiveness for people who have done wrong to me, but for people who hurt and harm others. You see, while I may not necessarily show empathy outwardly [i.e. I don’t cry or show sadness around people], I feel it a lot on the inside. In certain areas I have a very strong sense of empathy. Therefore, I tend to forgo my own sense of well being and protection in order to help others.

To put it plainly, I would take a bullet for someone I cared about [or a complete stranger if that stranger were a child]. That being said, I have a very hard time forgiving those who harm and hurt other people for no reason. However, there really is no reason to harm or hurt someone unless it was in self-defense for you or someone else.

Anyway, today I went running with a couple of friends. During that time they began discussing this case about a woman who went missing close to where we live, and then turned up dead a few days later. Curious, I went home and Googled it.

I’m angry now.

I hate the man who did that to her. If I were to find him, I’d shoot him right between the eyes [or somewhere that would cause death since I’m not a great shot]. I would shoot him dead because of what he did to this woman. In my eyes, he doesn’t deserve to live. In my eyes, if you kill someone out of cold blood for no reason whatsoever, then you are no longer human and therefore, should be put down like the animal that you are.

This is my belief. A human cares about life, they find it precious and would do everything to protect it. Men especially because men are supposed to be our protectors. Men are supposed to be there to save us and keep us from harm. Not murder us. Rape us. Torture us. Not leave two innocent little boys without a mother. No, MEN, men do not do those things.

It breaks my heart thinking about this woman’s final moments. Did she know what was going to happen to her? Did she fight for her life or did it happen so quickly she didn’t even know she was in danger? Did she think of her little boys? Did she beg and plead for him to spare her?

How could someone do that to another person? I don’t understand it. How can you listen to those pleas, here the cries, look in her eyes and still take her life?

My heart is full of anger towards this man and I every other person who has hurt/killed someone else. My heart is full of pain and sadness for the innocent lives that were taken brutally by these savage animals.

I don’t think I could ever forgive someone who did something like that to a person I loved. Just thinking about it is making my blood boil and my ears steam with anger.

Am I a horrible person for feeling this way? Is this normal and natural to feel such anger and hatred towards another human being?

I know that God teaches us to love and to forgive but I wonder if He understands human hearts enough to know that we struggle with this. That it’s hard for us to love and forgive someone who, in our eyes, isn’t even human anymore.

What do you think?

– gypsyjess.

Tiffany Brown, age 26

anewoutlook.

I’m going to be real honest with you right now. I work as a substitute teacher for Special Education in our local school district. While I have only been a sub for about a month now, I have been around many children with many different types of “needs”. I remember my first time working in one of the rooms for the severely handicapped/challenged kids. I remember how I felt that day driving home to my apartment.

I was angry.

I didn’t understand why these kids were forced to live that kind of life. What did they ever do to deserve so much pain, so much struggle? They were just innocent little children, too young to bear such a burden.

I remember having an angry conversation with God. I demanded an answer. I wanted to know why he couldn’t have made them “perfect” like all the other kids. Why these kids had to suffer the way they did. Why they had to live a life full of struggle. Why they wouldn’t be able to experience the “normal” milestones in life. College, dating, marriage, having families of their own.

The more I demanded answers, the more bitter my heart became. You see, I love children. I love children so much that I never want to see any child suffer. And for me to be surrounded, on a near daily basis, with children who, in my eyes, were suffering, I couldn’t stand it. I started a grudge towards God.

Then, my amazing little brother said something that changed my whole viewpoint. We were driving in my car going to a movie. He was asking me how work was going and after trying to hold in my anger, I finally had to let it out.

I confessed my feelings to him. I confessed my anger and my frustration at God for allowing these kids to suffer like that.

Then, he said it. That thing that was God’s way of slapping me in the face. He said, “Yea, but to them it’s not suffering. To you it may seem that way but to them, they’re normal and they’re happy.”

I was floored and instantly felt guilty for ever feeling that way. Those two little sentences changed everything for me. I began to see things drastically different.

Today I had the opportunity to be in the same classroom as I was before. It was the first time I had been in that classroom since I began feeling that way. I began seeing those children for their amazing talents and, though they may appear minute to us, their huge accomplishments. These children are stronger and more amazing than I ever will be. The things they have overcome in their short lives is far from ordinary. Everyday is a struggle for them but they pursevere and they push themselves. And when you praise them for something they have been struggling to accomplish, their little faces light up like you would never believe. It’s heaven.

I found this video today on YouTube. I’m not an outwardly emotional person. It takes a lot to make me cry. This video, not only brought tears to my eyes, but it rendered me speechless and was the motivation behind this post.

– gypsyjess.

homesick.

I have always wanted to be a mother. My first word was “baby” and it seems, since I was a toddler, I have been in “mommy-mode”. If you had asked me, at the age of sixteen, where I see myself in ten years, I would have responded with, “Married with a kid or two living in a cute little house having fun raising my kids with my awesome husband.”

Ten years later and I am nowhere near that goal. I am as single as single gets. I have no prospects and the pond seems pretty low-stocked at the moment. However, I am not bitter. Surprisingly. And while there is a deep longing in my heart [and womb] for that dream of mine, I will remain patient and positive. I know my prince charming/partner in crime/baby daddy is out there somewhere, he’s just a little lost; or maybe I’m lost, which would not be surprising. I do have a horrendous sense of direction. Cupid really needs to invest in a GPS system.

When I meet people for the first time, or even people I have known for years, and they ask me if I’m married or how the boyfriend situation is, I just smile and say, “oh, you know, he’s out there. Somewhere“. They usually smile and give me some sort of advice on not fretting, they tell me to keep my chin up and my eyes open for Mr. Right. I usually just nod and smile. Sometimes I say, “oh I know, I’m in no rush, I know it’ll happen soon.”

In reality, I do I have those panicky moments. I look around at all my friends getting married and having babies and I think to myself, “what am I doing wrong? When will it be my turn?” I look at the calendar and see the big 3-0 getting closer and closer and I worry that I won’t be walking down any aisles before my thirtieth birthday. Which is fine, I guess. God has a plan for my life and I trust Him. I really do. It’s just my worrying that gets in the way. That annoying habit of worrying that I inherited, along with ton of other traits, from my father.

I want to by a wife and a mother. I want that cute little house. I want to know what my husband will be life. What he will look like and sound like. What his personality will be like. I want to meet my kids. I want to know what they’ll look like. If they’ll be curious and silly like me. Who they will look like. I want to wake up tomorrow morning like Nicolas Cage in The Family Man. Well, not exactly like that but you get the point.

I’m homesick for a life I don’t even have yet.


*sigh*

So I guess until I, or my future baby daddy/hottie husband, becomes “unlost” in the quest for love, or Cupid invents some sort of Love GPS system, I will just have to continue to be patient and pray. I will keep my chin up and my eyes opened for Mr. Right. They say it happens when you least expect it. Right?

So, to all those single, Jesus lovin’, funny, cute, sexy, baby daddy wannabes out there…

I AM NOT EXPECTING ANYTHING. AT ALL! OKAY?

– gypsyjess.