thattimeisavedtheworld.

The Dream:
I am a soldier for the U.S. Army.

I get a call from the President (but not the real president, a fake one, like in all those doomsday movies):

Fake President: “Private Falk, your country needs you. Will you except this mission?”
Me: “Yes, Sir. Yes I do.”
Fake President: “Good. You are doing your country a great service. Mission details will be sent to you at oh-two-hundred-hours. Be ready. And may God speed.”
Me: “Thank you, Mr. President. I will do my utmost to protect the people of this world.”

My mission:
Alien and Predator have invaded earth and are hiding out in an abandoned house at the top of a hill. I must invade the house and destroy both of them before they escape.

How the mission pans out:
I put on my Army fatigues and load up my Red Ford Escape with every weapon I can find (This is my car in real life. Apparently they weren’t at all concerned that my bright red vehicle will be spotted by Alien and or Predator).

I drive up the hill, which is actually more of a mountain. At the very top of this mountain is a white, ranch style house. Once at the top, I quietly get out of my car and grab as many weapons and ammo as I can carry. I slowly walk up to the house. I can hear movement and the familiar “clicking” sound that Predator makes. I see he is in the living room so I walk around to the side door. I walk into the kitchen and notice the basement door is open. I slowly make my way to the doorway and look down. Alien is chained up in the basement, struggling to get free. Instead of killing Alien right then and there, I decide to leave her alone (not sure why…). I whisper “I’ll be back for you.”

I then walk around through the dining room which is connected to the living room. I hear something behind me and turn around just in time to see Predator firing at me with his Plasma Gun. I jump around the corner and barely miss it. It blows a whole in the wall joining the living and dining rooms. I run to back bedroom area. I hide in one of the bedrooms. I can hear Predator walking outside. He passes my room, pauses, and then walks on. I sneak out of the room and slowly creep back to the kitchen. I contemplate killing Alien now. I start to make my way down the steps when I feel something grab me. The next thing I know I’m flying through the air. I crash into the wall. Stunned for only a moment. I jump back up and fire my AR-15/SP1 at Predator who is now charging me. Bullets are hitting him but he keeps charging. Finally, I hit him in the helmet, apparently stunning him long enough to make my escape.

I run out the front door to get a more powerful gun only to find my car gone. I look over the side of the hill and see it at the bottom. I run down the hill and hop in the drivers seat. I had forgotten to set the emergency break and it had rolled down the hill. I drive back up the hill and exchange weapons. I opt for a 39mm M203 Launcher, “this should do the trick” I whisper to myself. I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and regain my bearings. I walk back up to the house and notice that Predator is not in the living room anymore. I walk around the house, carefully looking in each window. When I don’t see him I quietly make my way back inside through the side door. I notice right away that the basement door is now closed. I quietly open it and see both Alien and Predator down there. They don’t notice me. I sling my gun onto my back and start pulling grenades off my jacket. I place a dozen or so, pins pulled, into a bucket, toss it down the stairs, shut the door, and run. I feel them detonate before I hear them. The explosion is so powerful I blasted into the air from behind.

I hit the ground and am knocked out briefly. When I wake up most of the dust has settled. Alien and Predator parts are strewn about the blast sight. Amazingly my car is still okay so I climb in. I take a deep breath and turn the key.

Then I hear the “clicking” sound. I look in my review mirror and…

My alarm goes off.

This is a “screenshot” I made. That is me standing on the “basement” stairs getting ready to blast A and P to smithereens.

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“Baby,it’s[frickin’]coldoutside!”

It’s snowing. I like snow. Sometimes. Actually, I used to love snow but for some reason, I don’t like it as much anymore. I like the idea of snow, but not the reality of it. I like snow at Christmas time. It’s soft, quiet and pretty — everything that is Christmas. Unfortunately, in Ohio, it rarely snows at Christmas. It rarely snows in January. Snow waits until Feb/March to arrive and by that time I’m ready for warmth.

So, here we are. It’s February and we are finally getting some snow. After having 50+ degree weather all throughout January. Ohio, sometimes I really don’t like you.

I want to ride my bicycle. But alas, it’s snowing. And cold. So very cold. So instead of of riding my bicycle, I am instead, watching Braveheart as I read blogs about biking (which is wonderful too).

During my blog searching, I found this blog that contains many pictures of Europeans riding bicycles in the snow. And not just a few flurries mind you, but blizzards. BLIZZARDS!

Those Europeans are crazy! In a good way of course.

I wish I were brave like the people in the above photo. But I’m not. It’s not just the cold that’s a turnoff. It’s the ice. Icy roads make me nervous. And the slushy snow makes it slippery too on skinny road bike tires.

Maybe, if it were dry and cold I’d give it a go. Then again, maybe not.

When will Spring be here?

– gypsyjess.

goawayface.

A few years back, it was brought to my attention that I make a certain facial expression quite frequently. I’m not really sure how to describe it exactly. Friends have described it as anywhere from my “pissed off face”, my “confused face”, my “I’m lost face”, my “don’t mess with me face”, and my “concentration face”. The latter of the list seems most appropriate though, I am lost often. Actually frequently. I have no sense of direction and my lack of short-term memory makes it difficult for me to retain the steps to complete even the easiest of tasks. I know, it’s pretty pathetic.

Apparently I have been making this face forever. Here’s proof [click photo to enlarge]:

Moving on.

Prior to my wonderful friends bringing this certain face to my attention, I began to notice something was wrong long before then. Mostly when I am shopping or enjoying a nice meal at a restaurant. I tend to “people watch”. Due to my ADD and fidgety nature, sitting still and paying attention is difficult for me. Therefore, I’m often distracted thus resulting in me constantly looking about the room. So, how did I notice this “face” of mine? Simple. By the reactions I would get from other people.

For example, I am walking down the aisle at Walmart and walking toward me is a person. This person begins to look at me and then look away. Look at me and look away. Then, as they get closer, they make some sort of reaction face as if they have just been crossed by an angry zebra. They are frightened/concerned/nervous/all of the above. For the longest time I didn’t really notice it and if I did, I just figured they were the weird ones who were pissed off.

Jump back to the first paragraph.

Since it was brought to my attention, I am now super concerned and semi-self-conscious about this “face”. Problem is, I don’t know I’m doing it. Apparently it’s just my normal face. I do tend to squint if I am trying to focus on something since my eyesight is getting worse so that may be the culprit. Either way, I am concerned. Not that I really care about what others think about me [maybe a little. I’m only human. Sheesh] but still, I don’t want people thinking I’m in a constant state of pissyness because I’m not. It’s a rarity to find me in such a state. I’m that person who’s annoyingly happy and is usually looking at the bright side of things even when the you-know-what has hit the giant, high power fan.

Anyway, the other day at dinner [CiCi’s pizza to be exact], I made a comment about how some woman gave me a weird look when she walked by our table. My friend, brother and brothers girlfriend all made the same comment, almost simultaneously, “you’re making a weird face. Which you make often actually.”

Gee thanks. How many other people know about this face? Do I really make it that often? Yikes. Another thing to add to my long list of awkward/weird quirks and habits. Giggidy Giggidy Goo!

Moving on. So what brought on this strange post?

This:

A video, explaining this face, was posted on Facebook by a friend and I couldn’t help but remember my face. Except apparently mine happens naturally and all the time, whereas this girl can turn it on and off at will when necessary.

I should consider counseling. Do they offer counseling for social awkwardness?

To watch the video [WARNING: contains inappropriate language and content which may be inappropriate for some viewers] which is hilarious by the way, click here.

– gypsyjess.

i’vegottacrushonyou.

I rarely have crushes. I think in my entire life I’ve had maybe 3 true crushes. However, celebrity crushes are different. In my opinion anyway. Obviously there are many attractive men in Hollywood but here are my top picks.

Enjoy.

5. Willy Monfret [b. Oct 3, 1982 in France]

4. Gary Sinise [b. March 17, 1955 in Illinois] – I’ve had a crush on him since 1994!

3. Channing Tatum [b. April 26, 1980 in Alabama]

2. Gerard Butler [b. November 13, 1969 in Scotland]

1. Jack Black [b. August 28, 1969 in California] – what can I say, I’m a sucker for chubby, hairy, funny guys.

– gypsyjess.

iftheyhadababy…

If Mary Katherine Gallagher, Bones and Olive Penderghast procreated…

I would be that child.

Mommy #1: Mary Katherine Gallagher…

While I have never made out with a tree, I have:

  • been misunderstood by my peers [and many other age groups]
  • fallen into a stack of folding chairs [and many other things]
  • secretly wanted to make out with that really cute guy in school
  • secretly wanted to be a “superstar”
  • i wear black rimmed glasses [mine are rectangle, not weird 60’s shaped ones]
  • i show my underpants entirely way too frequently
  • i’m really good at cheesy motivational speeches, and yes, i have made one about rainbows [to my rugby girls]

Mommy #2: Bones…

i love psychology and i am very knowledgeable about pop-culture, however…

  • i’m socially awkward
  • i have a brain full of weird, useless and random facts
  • i think about strange things like “how to commit to perfect murder”
  • i’m very rational at times
  • i say things that to me sound normal but to others sound awkward and strange
  • i have a hard time expressing my emotions to others
  • i once confessed my love to a guy i really liked only to be rejected
  • i become very uncomfortable and lost when people begin to cry and/or begin to share detailed and emotional issues about themselves

Mommy #3: Olive Penderghast…SKIP TO 7:25!!!!

i never lied about losing my virginity nor did i get “paid” to pretend to sleep with guys. and i do not have red hair or a hot, slender and toned body, however…

  • i oftentimes think i am invisible to the opposite sex
  • i suck at first dates
  • i am very witty and sarcastic
  • i use big words
  • i am good a spelling things with food
  • i know a lot of british and australian slang
  • i secretly want all of those “John Hughes movie moments” to happen to me. preferably all at the same time
  • i’m not good at starting conversations or engaging in small talk especially on first dates. however, i am really good at spitting out a long list of random facts awkwardly
  • i also know a lot of random facts about sex and the strange uses of certain animal products and bi-products

This clip from “Easy A” is by far one of my favourites.

– gypsyjess.

funnythingslittlemonkeysays.

Today while we were colouring and watching Beauty and the Beast, my niece randomly says, “Remember dat one time I pooped in your tub?”

Obviously she’s been spending a lot of time with me because she’s as random as me.

The “poop in your tub” incident, happened over two months ago. This girl has a great memory.

More “Funny Things Little Monkey Says” coming soon!

Here is a picture of Little Monkey at the PUMA store posing with a mannequin.

– gypsyjess.

thingsiwantreallybad.

I was bored/couldn’t sleep so I decided to make a list of things I want. This list will more than likely reappear with more things added but here is the starter list.

1.) an Etch-A-Sketch iPod cover.

2.) a bedside table lamp that is also a book rest.

3.) a 1989 Jeep Wagoneer

4.) a 27″ iMac

5.) a 17″ MacBook Pro

6.) a home theater in my [future houses] basement

7.) to fall in love

8.) have a family

hello.

Where do I start?

For those of you who found this blog through my other BLOG. Welcome. Thanks for clicking that little “CLICK HERE” button. For those of you who are new, welcome. I hope I don’t scare you away.

That was a sort of disclaimer by the way. Just so you’re forewarned.

Perhaps I will just copy and paste the “About Me” section from Facebook. That sort of sums me up best.

I talk in movie quotes. I’m socially awkward. I’m always being told I don’t talk enough. 1/3 of my brain is filled with random/useless facts. I have the mind of a 14 year old boy. I suck at first dates. I have a horrible short-term memory. I’m clumsy and 90% of my injuries are a direct result of this. People think I’m a lot smarter than I really am. I think it’s directly attributed to that fact that I fake understanding conversations and topics [which I Google at a later time]. Or, more than likely, it’s because I wear glasses. I have biting sarcasm and a cunning wit. Both of which add to my allure and charm.

Random Fact #56: I alphabetize my DVD’s. I also colour-coordinate my t-shirts in my dresser drawers and organize my closet by length of shirt [in order: Tanks, Short-Sleeve Dress Shirts, Long-Sleeve Dress Shirts, Button Down Shirts, Short-Sleeve Sweaters, Long-Sleeve Sweaters, Non-Hooded Pullovers, Non-Hooded Zip-Up Sweatshirts, Hooded Zip-Up Sweatshirts, and finally, Hoodies].

Jessi: female version of the name Jesse. Can also refer to someone made of awesome.

“Look there she goes a girl who’s strange but special, a most peculiar mad’moiselle. It’s a pity and a sin, she doesn’t quite fit in. ‘Cause she really is a funny girl; a beauty but a funny girl. She really is a funny girl.” – Beauty & the Beast

There you have it. Me. Plain and simple. Strange. Awkward. Special. Loving daughter. Awesome friend. Fantastic sister. World’s Best Aunt.

Welcome to my world.

– gypsyjess.